Sales Letter Do's & Dont's

I am designing a sales letter for a security company specialising in access control, fire detection & cctv therefore how should this letter read?

My sales letter has a very upbeat tone to it but the feedback I have got from my colleagues suggest that it is more of a verimark ad than a sales letter. I would appreciate any assistance or even an outside objective view of my letter if anyone is willing to read it.

Forum created by Sarvesh Govender

 
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